Solace here. I'm not sure why this is speaking to me right now, but I wanted a place to put this apart from my normal "insight" blog. So this seemed the most appropriate place to put it.
We built the hearth stone by stone over years of questioning. Sometimes, the stones didn't fit. Sometimes they were too small or too big. And we had to go back and seek a stone that was just the right size. If the hearth is our spiritual practice, then you could say that what burns within it is constantly changing which changes the hearth itself.
I want to dig into this deeper. For those who struggle to understand metaphors, let's be very blunt here. My husband and I followed the leadership of our parents, extended families, and friends. That was until we realized those beliefs no longer worked for us. We were both classically educated in religion, biblical theology, doctrine, and ministry. We had built our lives on the assumption that the goal was becoming a pastor, and pastor's wife, at some christian church.
Over the course of three years, Sage banged his head against the wall of a faith that kept rejecting him. I sat by, watched, and it broke my heart each time his heart got broken. This is where the idea of paths really began to form in our minds. Sage was determined to head in one direction (ministry), but I wanted nothing more than to just be with him (without ministry). We needed to make a decision. Either he stopped looking for churches, I got used to watching him suffer through each rejection, or we went our separate ways.
I refused to get used to watching him hurt over every church that turned him away. And he refused to go our separate ways. So ultimately, the only decision that worked to keep us together was for him to leave his church search behind so that our paths could still travel side by side.
This launched us down a path that had many iterations. We did online ministry for a while. We did a podcast for a while. And ultimately, we stopped. We needed to rest. We'd been pushing towards this one goal for so long that we realized it was a goal that was never going to pan out for us. We shelved our hopes and dreams starting at the end of May in 2022.
Four years later, after many life changes that left us looking for the next chapter of our lives, we discussed the need for spirituality. I'd begun wanting to use my gifts more. And he wanted a reason to be philosophical and more grounded in his ancestry. This brought about even more discussions about spirituality and what we felt called to do. Little did we know that through it all, we'd been building our own hearth.
The metaphor as a timeline makes a lot of sense. We sat at the hearths of our community for so long, we lost ourselves there. We became enamored with the idea of having our own hearth. But we were never really willing to start building it. Then we started to wander farther from the hearths of our youth. We started building our own hearth with credit hours and hoops to jump through in the hopes of finding our place.
We soon realized that our hearth was being built in a way that was unsafe for us and our family. So we tore the hearth down and used the stones we'd gathered and started putting it back together in a much more safe, long lasting, and healthy way.
In this way, our hearth still has stones from our past, but we've also gone searching for the right stones to fit the hearth as opposed to the stones that others thought we should use for our hearth. It became more about making the hearth fit our desires and less about us finding a hearth that could take us. In building our hearth, we've pulled stones from all over the place.
Once we felt confident that the hearth was safe, we opened it to any traveler who may need some help in building their own hearth. People who had walked away from the hearths of their youth and were seeking refuge and guidance. It's why we say rest, reflect, and continue on your path. Our hearth is ours. You must build your own. Our hearth is ours because each rock we placed to make the hearth came from our own paths. We collectively decided that our hearth had to be open, affirming, welcoming, and safe.
Ours is the hearth that raised three children. It's been rebuilt on much more solid foundations, with rocks that have stood the test of time. As we age, we are more settled around our hearth. We have become the happy hosts of our hearth to any weary traveler who needs a place to rest. We are always ready, willing, and waiting for a wayfarer's to find our hearth so we can help them build their own hearths.
The point was never to claim one stone over another. But rather to gather the stones that work best and discard the rest. Sometimes, a stone may not last and crumble under the heat and strain of the surrounding stones. It's to be expected and it means you need to find a stone to replace it.
Sage and I love to use metaphors. That's why this particular metaphor resounds so aptly for us. It's the heart of the home. It provides warmth when coldness is all around. It can cook and refine. It can bake and provide light. It's multi-purpose and inclusive. Fire is just fire and it does what it does for all of mankind. Containing it, using it, and providing it is a basic human imperative. And all too often there are people who believe their particular kind of hearth is THE ONLY kind of hearth. They are allowed to hold that opinion. But for those who feel like that kind of hearth is too limiting, we open ours to everyone so that you can build the hearth you want.
There's much to say on this topic, but that's all for now. Until we meet again, light and love! ~ Solace
0 comments